


Last Christmas

by attfna



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: AFTGWinterJam_2020, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Different First Meeting, Angst, Christmas, Fluff and Angst, Found Family, Gift Giving, Holidays, M/M, Snow, This is very sad I'm sorry, Winter, aftgwinterjam, fireside, kind of a ghost fic, kind of a soulmate fic, last christmas
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2020-12-23
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:29:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 12,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28207608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/attfna/pseuds/attfna
Summary: Last Christmas Andreil AU for the AFTG Winter Jam~*~All credit to Nora, I own nothing
Relationships: Neil Josten/Andrew Minyard
Comments: 19
Kudos: 49
Collections: #AFTGWinterJam 2020





	1. Walking around this Winter Wonderland

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First off I AM VERY FUCKING SORRY FOR WRITING THIS.
> 
> I watched 'Last Christmas' on a whim and though 'oh this is cute...I'll write a little Andreil Christmas fic it's so sweet...WHAT THE FUCK HOW COULD YOU???'
> 
> So despite the little plot twist ripping out my guts I still wrote the fic. Which means mind the tags and archive warnings, this has a hopeful ending but it's still sad as shit. It also means it's a spoiler for the 'Last Christmas' movie, so if you haven't seen it and don't want spoilers don't read this.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> RATING: T (description of character death/illness/mentions of past canon torture and scars)

_ This makes sense _ , Neil thought, from his position on a pile of discarded garbage where he’d face-planted just moments ago. This was always how things went. 

Without needing any added melodrama, Neil’s entire life had been one giant dumpster fire after another. From his murderous, mafia father to the health conditions he’d developed due to his father loaning him out for torture practice to his many underlings. To his mother dying three months earlier and then being put out of the home he’d known for the better part of a decade. He couldn’t play  Exy anymore, not properly. Hadn’t been able to since he started to get sick and his mother ran with him to escape his father. And he was constantly messing up at work, making mistakes and breaking things in his clumsiness. Not to mention what an inconvenience he was to his few friends, crashing on their couches for weeks on end while he lied about the house being renovated when  really he didn’t  _ have _ a house. 

Okay. That one was maybe on him. Uncle Stuart asked him what he wanted to do after his mother’s death and Neil had quickly told him that he would be moving in with a friend. He didn’t want to  impose and Stuart likely figured he wouldn’t want to stay in such a large house alone. And he didn’t really. He didn’t think he could take the echoes down empty hallways and the reminders that he had nothing, no one left. But Stuart probably would have let him stay longer, if he asked. If he admitted he needed help. He’d invited Neil to England after all, to stay with him until he sorted things out. But no, Neil’s stubborn, martyr-like nature once again took hold and he’d gathered his flew belongings in a duffle bag and headed out the door. 

It’s not like he wasn’t _ trying _ . He had a job. Not a well-paying job, but a steady one. Unfortunately finding an apartment on his salary, much less without the money for a down payment and no credit history, was futile. So, he couch-surfed sometimes when he was in a better headspace, allowing his friends to show their hospitality. But mostly he snuck back into the store after closing to roll a thin sleeping bag out on the storage room floor. On nights like tonight, when his friends were busy and  Wymack was at the shop late taking inventory, Neil wandered. He wandered the city until the sun rose or he found a nice park to sit for a while. On rare occasions he rented out cheap hotel rooms, but it was nearly Christmas and many of the hotels nearby were booked. He couldn’t afford it right now anyways. 

“You going to lay there all night?” 

Neil pushed his hands between the shiny black plastic to plant them firmly on the frozen concrete below, looking up to the person who interrupted his situational lament. His duffle fell off his back to the side and for a moment he collapsed back onto the garbage before pushing himself up a final time, standing to brush off his too-big clothing. 

He scowled at the man. “Mind your business.”

“Maybe I was,” quipped the man. “Maybe that’s my garbage you were rolling around in, and therefore my business.”

Ceasing his desperate swipes to clean off his clothing, he narrowed his eyes to give the stranger a once over. Short, somehow shorter than Neil himself, blond, and clad in entirely black. He had a cigarette between his fingers and took slow drags, the smoke mingling with hot breath on the cold air. But the man’s eyes were keen, calculating. Though they weren’t focused on Neil, rather ahead towards the street. The lights strung between the lampposts were twinkling brightly and reflected in the hazel-gold pools that finally settled on Neil. 

“ _ Is it  _ your garbage?” Neil asked, when the man’s focus turned his way. 

“No.” 

He dropped the cigarette and ground it out on the icy sidewalk, turning on his heel to walk away. Neil started at his back for a moment, confused, and then followed. 

“So, what was that about then? Just some clever attempt to make fun of me?”

The man shoved his hands in the pockets of his heavy pea coat. “If I was making fun of you, you would know, you would not have to ask.”

Watching the ground as they walked, Neil was careful to side-step any trashcans or debris. Instead, he focused on the crunch of the ice and salt beneath his sneakers and allowed his eyes to flick up and look at the strangers back every few seconds. The stranger, whom he was still following for some unknown reason. 

Because he was studiously trying to watch where he was going, he didn’t run into the back of the man when he stopped abruptly two blocks later, though it was a near thing. The stranger turned slowly on his heels, those hazel eyes flicking upwards. 

“Look up.”

Neil dropped his neck against his shoulders and looked upwards. They were on a street he’d walked so many times, but he’d never noticed the intricate moldings around the door to the old pub, nor the sculpted rabbit that adorned the sign. 

“Huh,” said Neil, still with his eyes focused above. “I’ve walked this street a hundred times and never noticed this before.”

“That is because you are always running,” said the stranger. 

Blue eyes dropped down and focused on the man in front of him. He shifted the strap on his shoulder. “You don’t know anything about me.”

He highly suspected the man wasn’t referring to his propensity to run away from  all of his problems. More likely, he'd caught Neil on one of his morning runs down this same route, the one he took just before he got ready for work. 

“No,” the blond admitted.

“I’m Neil,” why did he say that??

“I didn’t ask.”

“Who are you?”

The man seemed to contemplate the question, but turned without answering, strolling down the rest of the empty street. 

Neil liked it best this way – cold and quiet. The downtown area was already decorated for the impending holiday, strung with twinkling lights and bows latched to streetlamps. Everything smelled faintly of pine and spice. Reds and greens adorned doorways and window displays, but at this time of night only Neil and a handful of others were able to witness the calm that flooded the city. Dormant before the next busy morning arrived. 

It began snowing so Neil flicked one last glance to the sky, white powder catching on his lashes and melting away. Before he could think better of it, he swiped a handful of snow from the top of a nearby bench; it was cleared from most  surfaces but it had been snowing often enough that piles still accumulated here and there. He balled up the wet, powdery ice and threw it as hard as he could. It hit the man square between the shoulder  blades but he didn’t even flinch. Instead, he turned slowly, something like amusement playing on his features. It was a welcome change from the bored apathy he’d exhibited the last half hour. 

“It’s rude to ignore people, you know,” said Neil, lip twitching upwards. 

“Oh no,” the man said blandly, “I’ve never been considered rude before.”

Rolling his eyes, Neil heaved his bag higher on his shoulder and started to leave. It had been nice talking to someone new, even if they had met when Neil was once again humiliating himself in public. 

“Andrew,” said the man, still paused at the end of the street. 

“Andrew,” Neil repeated, turning back with a small smile. “Well....goodnight, Andrew.”

Andrew gave him a two fingered salute and turned the corner and somehow Neil missed him already. Though his gut told him he would see him again.

❄️❄️❄️

Like they did every Saturday, the staff of The Fox Den, a quirky store that sold Christmas décor  year round , packed up to head to the community  Exy court a few miles away. You could reserve it in two hour increments and they had a standing reservation for as long as Neil had known them. So, years now, really. He met them right as he graduated high school and started taking online classes at the nearby university they attended. He went on campus sometimes and enjoyed watching them play Exy. Eventually they asked him to join. He had been too sick to play, of course. He had been too sick to do much of anything. He never even managed to finish his college courses, still a semester shy of his degree. He’d hoped after he got better he would be able to join them, but he still got winded after a brisk jog so running around on the court was out of the question. He would just slow them down. 

Matt took an impressive hit from his wife as she deftly stole the ball, weaving around Seth and Allison to take a shot on Renee, who just managed to block it. Neil whooped from the sidelines and Dan grinned in his direction. He cheered for all of them in turn, since it was just a  three on three game with Renee in the goal. They were all friends, after a fashion. Dan, Matt and Renee worked at the store part-time while they worked on their graduate degrees. Allison was Renee’s roommate, though Neil had accidently caught them kissing once after practice and had kept that knowledge to himself. And Seth followed Allison, even though he knew he didn’t have a shot. Laila Dermott and Gloria Alvarez were undergrad students studying fashion who tagged along with Allison – they also worked for her at the boutique and tailoring shop she owned. 

The game  ended, Neil wasn’t sure who  actually won since they’d switched teams several times throughout the night. But they were all sweaty and heaving for breath when they finally packed it in, making their way towards the benches where Neil sat. 

“I can’t wait  til you’re feeling better, buddy,” said Matt, gulping half a bottle of water. “The girls are ganging up on us.”

Allison hip-checked him and he nearly lost his balance. “Don’t be a sore loser, Boyd.”

Matt grinned and shoved her shoulder. She shoved him back and a few moments later they were swatting at each other like lazy cats until Allison held up her arms in defeat. “Fine! You win. Don’t make me break a nail.”

“Speaking of feeling better...” said Dan, ignoring their bickering. “How was your last PT appointment, Neil? Think you can get on the court with us by the end of the year?”

Considering the end of the year was in a matter of weeks and Neil hadn’t  _ been _ to any of his  doctors appointments since his  mothers insurance lapsed when she died several months prior, the answer was likely a resounding  _ no _ . 

“Oh um....maybe? It went okay,” he lied. 

He could sign up for insurance with his job, he supposed, but he made a meager wage as is and didn’t know if he could afford the extra amount taken out of his checks. Especially if he was going to find an apartment anytime soon. Besides. He was fine. He might never have the stamina for Exy again, but he was fine. 

They headed back to Matt and Dan’s apartment for pizza and beer and Neil made himself comfortable on their couch. If he was lucky, he’d pass out and they'd let him sleep there for the night – though he made a note to leave before they woke and to not touch anything. The last time he’d crashed with them he broke their expensive coffee pot and the time before that he knocked over a very large plant from the windowsill. He’d smeared dirt all over the white carpet in his efforts to clean up the mess before they noticed. It was unsuccessful and despite their reassurances that ‘accidents happened,’ Neil more felt like  _ he _ was the accident and should never be allowed to be near anything breakable. 

But for the moment, he pushed all self-loathing to the back of his mind and focused on the horror movie playing and the snow falling gently outside. He could barely make it out through the fogged windows, but it was there. It would cover the world in shimmering white silence, waiting to greet him the next morning, no matter where he slept. 

❄️❄️❄️

His hunch was spot-on – he  _ did _ start running into Andrew everywhere. Once on his morning run where Andrew was tossing bits of bread at a group of pigeons near the park. Once in the marketplace, where he’d caught the  mans blond head in his periphery and promptly knocked over a table of cabbages. Andrew watched him pick them up with an amused glint and then Neil followed him through the rest of the market though neither of them purchased anything. 

One day, Andrew even showed up at his shop. He browsed the store, touching everything and moving things from the proper place, leaving them scattered around for Neil to pick up behind him. It was stupid and juvenile but somehow it felt like a game. Neil smirked behind him and tried not to be too obvious about his attention since Renee was also working and he didn’t want anyone to notice Andrew. They already gave him enough shit for closing himself off from people. He didn’t want to deal with their excitement over him potentially making a new friend. Or  acquaintance . Whatever.

After Andrew left the  shop he’d given Neil a heated once-over, eyes dragging from the stupid green, bell-covered boot covers over his sneakers, to the green opaque tights and fur-lined shorts he wore. If Neil’s stomach clenched interestingly at the look, well, no one had to know. 

It was exactly three weeks until Christmas when Neil had his fifth encounter with Andrew, who was smoking against a heavy stone pillar outside of a nearby church. Neil had just come from work and had his duffle over his shoulder.  Wymack was doing inventory again. Something he probably would have finished if he didn’t keep getting distracted by the kindly looking woman with dirty-blonde hair that kept coming in the store just to ‘look.’ 

“You go to church?” Neil asked with a smile, eyes darting between the massive structure and the shorter man, his body slightly obscured by smoke. 

“I do not.”

Moving to lean against the pillar a foot or so away, Neil inhaled the smoke when it wafted his way. His mother smoked, once upon a time when he was little and they needed to get out of the house, away from his father. She would walk him around the grounds with a cigarette in hand, inhaling deeply as if it was the only  calm she’d ever known. She quit when he started to get sick, not wanting to contribute to making his illness worse. But he still missed the smell, sometimes. He missed her. 

“You know, if you’re stalking  me, I can just give you my number. It would make it easier for you,” Neil said, breaking the silence after a few minutes. 

“You are the one who approached me.”

“This time, sure,” said Neil, bouncing on the balls of his feet. “But you’ve been around quite a bit. If I didn’t know  better I’d think you liked me or something.”

He gave Andrew a cheeky  grin but Andrew barely glanced at him.  Instead, he exhaled, reaching up to push Neil’s cheek away with two fingers. 

“Don’t look at me like that.”

Neil turned, leaning against the pillow with his shoulder so he could face Andrew with a teasing smile. “Like what?”

He tossed the cigarette and stamped it out, turning to face Neil. “You are a  disaster .”

“Maybe. But you’re still here, aren’t you?”

Andrew pushed away from the pillar and walked around it, towards the entrance. From the opposite direction there was a line of people waiting to get inside. They all wore ratty clothes and carried bags – homeless most likely. He knew the church converted to a shelter when the temperature dipped below freezing. 

“Wait,” said Neil, snagging his sleeve. Andrew paused and looked down where his hand was clenched in the fabric but didn’t pull away. Instead, he looked up to Neil. “We should hang out sometime. On purpose. Get coffee maybe? What’s your number?”

“I don’t have a phone.”

Neil let go of his sleeve and shook his head in disbelief. “Really? Who doesn’t have a phone?”

“I have one,” he clarified. “I just don’t carry it with me. It’s in a cabinet at home.”

“Geeze. And everyone tells me I'm anti-social.” 

Without bothering to respond, Andrew continued his march to the door. When he was only ten feet away or so, Neil called out to him again. 

“I thought you said you don’t go to church?”

“I don’t. But I am going inside.”

Neil cocked his head to the side, brows furrowing. 

“I volunteer here,” Andrew admitted. 

“Oh....right,” said Neil, surprised. “That’s...that’s great.”

“Do you want to come in?” asked Andrew, gaze flicking to Neil’s duffle before meeting his eyes again. “The beds inside are moderately more comfortable than a pile of garbage.”

He couldn’t stop his cheeks heating in embarrassment but hoped they were already flushed from the cold. “I don’t ....I’m not....”  _ Homeless _ . Though that was really a lie. 

“Suit yourself,” said Andrew, walking towards the door, calling back once before he disappeared. “Goodnight, Neil.”


	2. Lighting a Fire

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil struggles, Andrew tries to help. 
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is still pretty safe. The #AFTGWinterJam prompt for this one was bundling up/fireside.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T (mention of scars, accidental/on purpose outing of someone)

Neil loved the beauty of a freshly fallen snow, the smell of evergreens and the warmth of being wrapped up layers of sweaters that came with the changing seasons. He very much did not love rude customers or hyper-active children tugging on the pointed hems of his shirt and jingling the many bells that adorned his outfit. By the time the last irate customer was shuffled out it was already an hour after closing. Wymack left fifteen minutes ago, leaving Neil to drop the money in the safe after balancing the drawer and then lock up. He took his time, in no hurry to leave and test the frigid winds against his clothes that had seen better days. 

Normally on a night like this he would camp in the storage room until the early morning, heading  out for a jog and then stopping at the gym to shower. But their late shipment of new artificial trees had come in and was currently taking up the only space in the shop that wasn’t either locked or visible through the fogged-up windows and he drew the line at breaking into  Wymack’s office. He would have to find somewhere else to sleep. 

Neil left the shop, duffle over his shoulder and feet dragging along the ground like some sort of zombie. He managed to walk the three blocks to the laundromat and shoved his clothes into one of the machines without bothering to separate them – his elf costumes had faded quite a bit from when he first acquired them. After the decrepit appliance whirled to live with a loud hum, Neil poured himself a cup of the very bad, but thankfully free coffee and sat on a bench with his phone. The group chat was silent, as it normally was this time of year. Well, usually. Last year his phone had blown up because his health declined and they were all worried. But typically, Christmas holidays meant they were all busy, lost in the hustle and bustle of shopping and finishing up the semester before break. 

An hour passed and Neil napped on the bench until the dryer signaled that it was finished. He folded his clothes as carefully as he could and placed them in his duffle. They’d be wrinkled within the hour but there wasn’t much he could do. 

The coffee at least gave him a second  wind, so he pushed onto the street and wrapped a scarf around his face. He pulled his beanie down tighter to cover his ears in a futile effort to shield himself from the arctic breeze. He should probably get a hotel. He didn’t really have the money for it but landing himself in the hospital with hypothermia would cost a lot more. Turning to wander back downtown, he paused as his eyes caught on the shelter. 

Before he could  make a decision , he was peeling away his scarf and hat, wandering inside the vast architecture under stone and brick. He squinted at the bright overhead lights when he wandered into what looked like a more modern cafeteria, a stark change from the dim lights of the main part of the sanctuary. As he  maneuvered around people he realized he was looking for someone. A short, blond someone who was nowhere in sight. It was two nights ago that Neil met Andrew outside the church, but he wasn’t sure if he volunteered every night. 

“Excuse me,” Neil asked, wandering up to a table where they were serving warm beverages and pastries. “Is Andrew here tonight?”

“I’m sure there are about twenty Andrew’s here pal,” scoffed the man behind the counter, without bothering to look at Neil. 

Neil turned to glance at the crowd again before turning back. “He’s blond, short, about my age? Kind of an asshole?” 

This time the man did look up, but only to give Neil an unimpressed once-over and shrug. “Doesn’t sound familiar, but I’ve only been here a few weeks.”

“Right. He volunteers. But I don’t know what his schedule is like...”

“ Well, if you wait, maybe he’ll show. I could use the help anyways. Come back here...” the man gestured several times, waving Neil to come behind the table. 

“Oh...I didn’t...I don’t think...” but he was already letting the man position him behind the table.

“It’s just for a few minutes. Just watch this lot...ONE each, I’m not made of pastry...” said the guy, pushing past Neil and leaving him without additional instruction. 

Neil stared at the line of people like a deer in headlights, dropping his duffle behind him and kicking it against the wall. 

He made it through a dozen or so people before accidentally elbowing one of the coffee dispensers and knocking it to the floor. The caffeinated beverage started to spread across the tile and Neil moved quickly to set the canister upright, hastily wiping up the spill with sopping paper towels. When he stood back up, he realized all the pastries were gone and he was covered in coffee, his hands sticky yet still cold. Blinking several times, he let out a resigned sigh. When someone tapped his shoulder he turned to apologize profusely, assuming it was the man who had mistakenly left him in charge. Instead, he was met with the smiling face of a plump woman with cat- eye glasses and a mop of brown curls. 

“Let’s get you cleaned  up, shall we?”

Neil nodded several times and gave his hands a last swipe on his jeans before snagging his bag. He followed the woman into a room off the side which appeared to be an office. She handed him a small box of wipes and a hand towel, leaving to man the table while he cleaned himself up. 

When she returned, he again started to apologize. “I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have let that guy leave me  there alone I....I have no idea what I’m doing.”

The woman, Bee, according to the little name tag pinned to her blouse, only smiled. “Do any of us, really?”

His smile was more of a grimace but he accepted the hot tea when she handed over the little paper cup. 

“I haven’t seen you here before,” said Bee. 

“Oh...um. No. I was just looking for someone, but they’re not here tonight.”

“Well thank you anyways, even for just a few minutes of your help.”

“I don’t know if I’d call spilling most of your coffee and letting all the food get stolen ‘help’,” he said wryly. 

Bee waved a hand, “ Nonsense . Besides, how many people  actually get something perfect on the first try, hm? Think you might want to give it another go?”

Neil’s brows shot up under messy bangs. “Uh...you mean...like, volunteering?”

Bee nodded. “Sure. We can always use the help, and it comes with a bed.”

While he hadn’t noticed her eyeing him like some of the others, she must have taken note of his less than pristine clothing and worn duffle. Out of nowhere his flight  instincts began to kick in and he stood, setting aside the tea. 

“Maybe another time...thank you though, for the tea,” said Neil, making a hasty retreat and ignoring the frown settling on Bee’s features. 

“ Of course ....come back anytime...”

Back in the cold, Neil made the decision to get a hotel for the night after all. He hadn’t slept in more than 48 hours and needed it if he was going to be functional. The holiday rush wouldn’t slow down for a few weeks yet and he couldn’t afford to crash and miss work. 

❄️❄️❄️

Neil woke slightly refreshed, taking an absurdly long shower since he was able to do it in a locked room instead of a stall where he was constantly worried someone would pull back the curtain and see his scars. He arrived to work that morning with a little spring in his step. It had snowed  overnight, and everything was blanketed in white but the wind was nearly non-existent for  once so he was able to enjoy the walk to the shop without burying his face in fabric. 

His good mood was dashed the moment he arrived, seeing a couple police officers outside the shop and glass on the pavement where the door had been smashed. Inside there was another officer talking to  Wymack . Dan and Renee were sweeping up the mess on the floor where several snow globes had been smashed. The officer nodded at  Wymack and said he’d be in touch. 

“What happened?” Neil asked. 

The older man looked weary but only sighed, probably having expended all his anger before Neil arrived. “Stupid kids, probably. It doesn’t look like much was taken but they made a mess of things.”

Wymack gestured broadly at the shop and Neil looked around. Ornaments were on the floor, two trees were toppled over onto their sides, and there seemed to be glitter everywhere. It would take hours to clean up everything. 

“I’m sorry....” said Neil, and the moment the words left his mouth he realized it wasn’t a perfunctory gesture. This was his fault. As he searched his memory, he couldn’t remember locking up the night before. 

Wymack only shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. We’ll have the place cleaned up today. I already called someone to take care of the door, we’ll be open again tomorrow. It could have been worse.”

He wanted to explain himself but  Wymack waved him off when he opened his mouth, squeezing Neil’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about changing out today but get to work, I'll order some lunch in a few hours.”

Neil bit his lip and stalked towards the storage room to put his bag away. As he got to work, he started to round a corner of one of the larger displayed but stopped cold at the sound of hushed voices. 

“ So, nothing was taken?” asked Matt, who had showed up just a few minutes before. 

“No...” Renee answered. “He doesn’t think it was a break-in, just some kids messing around.”

“But the door...”

“ Wymack actually did that....” said Dan, her voice lowering as not to be overheard. “He said it was unlocked when he got here. So, either someone picked the  lock or the store wasn’t locked last night. But he had to smash it otherwise they wouldn’t believe it was a break-in and the insurance wouldn’t cover the damages...”

“Damn...” whispered Matt. 

Neil shuffled back to the other side of the store silently, guilt settling heavy in his gut. He wanted to tell them but knew they would just tell him it was okay, that mistakes  happened and it wasn’t his fault. But it  _ was _ his fault and the last thing he wanted was for people to try and make him feel better about what a disaster he was. He just wanted to wallow in self-pity until he could disappear for the day, think about some way to make this up to  Wymack . 

_ You should just leave _ , said the voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like his fathers.  _ They would be better off without you. All you do is ruin everything you touch. _

Shoving the feeling down, Neil focused solely on his task of cleaning up the store. When lunch arrived he waved them off, saying he wasn’t hungry and kept organizing until it was spotless. Then he unpacked the new trees and went to work setting up displays. By the time he left his muscles ached and stomach growled but his head was mostly empty. 

After grabbing a gyro from a street  vendor he wandered aimlessly for half an hour, letting the food settle before he decided what to do for the night. He still hadn’t made up his mind when he ran into Andrew, standing on the brick sidewalk and staring into the window of an electronics store. Neil sidled up next to him to see what he was looking at. Andrew didn’t acknowledge  him, but Neil knew he could see his reflection in the glass. Behind the window, one of the large flat-screens showed an  Exy game, playoffs from fall season he thought. 

“I always wanted to go pro. I think it might have been the first thing I ever wanted...as far as jobs go,” Neil said. 

Andrew straightened beside him. “Why didn’t you?”

“Just...wasn’t in the cards, I guess,” shrugged Neil, not wanting to delve into the complicated web of his past. 

After a few beats of silence Andrew dug his cigarettes from his coat and lit one. Neil unconsciously leaned closer, only a few inches between them when Andrew turned. He blew smoke in Neil’s face and the corner of his lip ticked upwards, seemingly amused at the way Neil closed his eyes, inhaling easily. 

“Follow me,” Andrew huffed, smoky breath mingling with the cold. 

So, Neil did. 

He’d come to realize he would probably follow Andrew anywhere. Because for some reason, when he was with Andrew, the rest of the world dropped away. The shop full of broken baubles and the tipped over canister of coffee disappeared. The memories of the uncomfortable stock room floor and the view of his friends running along the court from behind the plexiglass where he couldn’t participate fell away. When he was with Andrew, those memories were replaced by the subtle smell of cloves, the softness of the fabric of a black pea coat between his fingers, the shine of blond hair, haloed in the lamplight, and glint of silver piercings at the top of Andrew’s ears. 

Neil had been so lost in thought he didn’t realize where they’d ended up – the community  Exy court. 

“Uh...what are we doing here...?”

Andrew picked the lock on the door and let them in, walking down the hallway towards the locker rooms. “What do you think we’re doing here?”

“ Committing a crime, apparently.”

“You say that like it’s your first one,” Andrew countered. 

Neil huffed and rolled his eyes, crowding behind Andrew and glancing around to make sure they weren’t spotted. But the coast was clear. 

In the locker room Andrew tossed a few pads and a helmet at him he’d snagged from the rental rack, stripping off his coat. They weren’t exactly dressed to play, but Neil followed suit anyways. He peeled off his coat and hoodie so he was just in a flimsy, long sleeved shirt. And then he strapped the pads to his legs, shoulders and wrists. Once he’d pulled the helmet down Andrew handed him a racquet from the lockup. They carried their outer layers with them to the court. Andrew took a position in the goal and Neil stared at him. 

“Umm.....” Neil glanced down to the bucket of balls at his feet and the short goalkeeper. 

“I was a goalkeeper in school. I learned to play in juvie and then joined in high school to keep an eye on Aaron. Sometimes our cousin, Nicky, came to practice with us on weekends,” Andrew explained. 

“Okay....but why....?”

“Shoot, idiot.”

“I was a striker but I haven’t played in years....”

“It’s like riding a bike. Probably.”

Neil sucked his lip between his teeth and scooped up one of the balls. He tested its weight and stared at the goal for a few moments before taking the shot. It sailed towards the upper left corner and Andrew batted it away easily. Neil frowned. 

“Is there a point to all this?” he asked after a few more deflected shots.

“Other than me proving how little effort it takes to play this stupid game?” said Andrew, smacking another ball up the court. “Not at all.”

They went back and forth until Neil was out of breath from just taking running shots. The fact that Andrew was completely unruffled was both annoying and somehow gratifying. He put up with Neil’s efforts for more than an hour and between concentrating on angles and the feel of the stick in his hand, he knew there was some sort of point he was missing, just out of view. He paused a moment to try and put the pieces together but a sound from the inner court startled him. The locker room door banged open and someone was shouting at them, their voice muffled through the plexi-glass. 

“Fuck!” Neil dropped his racquet and ran for  the wall to snag their coats. 

While the security guard worked to get through to the inner court, they just made it through the court door in time to skirt around him, making for the emergency exit at the back. They shed their borrowed armor as they went, helmets dropped just before pushing through the exist. By the time they stopped running Neil was choking for air and managed to make it to a snow-covered bench before collapsing. They somehow ended up in the inner courtyard of an apartment complex, surrounded by tall evergreens and decorative lampposts. A row of townhouses sat to his left, each a different color but the same build. He could feel the snow seeping through his clothing but leaned back against it anyways. Beside him, Andrew lit a cigarette. 

“Thank you,” said Neil, once he caught his breath. “That was fun.”

“I am surprised you know what that is,” Andrew said, blowing smoke in his direction. 

Taking a deep breath, Neil opted for honesty instead of mock offense. “Sometimes I’m surprised too.”

The sky was clear as they leaned back and looked up, the few stars they could see around the light pollution glittering in the black. Andrew stubbed his cigarette out on the armrest and Neil could feel his gaze before he even looked over. 

“Are you going to see your brother and cousin for Christmas?” asked Neil, trying to think of a way to break the silence. 

“Maybe,” the words were quiet, muttered, and Neil could barely make them out. 

But what was clear, was the way Andrew’s eyes flicked from his lips to his eyes, and then back again. 

Neil leaned in, an unconscious gesture that Andrew mimicked, until their breath comingled, visible in the cold air.

He wasn’t sure who closed the  distance but it didn’t matter. Nothing else mattered. Only the warm press of Andrew’s lips against his. 

It was brief. Too brief, and then Andrew pulled away. 

“Goodnight, Neil,” said Andrew, standing and shoving his hands in his pockets. 

By the time Neil got a hold of himself, opening his eyes, Andrew was nowhere to be seen. 

❄️❄️❄️

Neil swirled the last bit of eggnog in his cup and stared at the advent calendar on the wall. Five days to Christmas. 

He was currently at the Fox Den’s holiday party, surrounded by his coworkers and friends, all in obnoxious holiday sweaters. They picked at finger foods while Matt made valiant efforts to spike the  nog , all foiled by  Wymack . It was a dull affair really, not unlike a regular workday even though the shop had closed hours ago. 

After relieving himself, Neil smoothed down his sweater and chinos, brushing invisible crumbs away before making his way back into the fold. As he rounded the corner back into the shop he heard his name. 

“I’m just really worried about him,” said Dan, her voice hushed. “Do you think he’s really okay? He’s not....you don’t think he’s  sick again do you?”

For some reason his blood began to boil. Later he would realize it was probably more due to anger at himself than his friends expressing their concern behind his back. But in the moment, he didn’t want to be talked about like some helpless baby animal. Sure, he’d lost a little weight and the frequent bags under his eyes may have alluded to lack of proper sleep. And alright, maybe they never saw him eating anything other than street food or the occasional piece of fruit. But he was an adult. He wasn’t their responsibility. And if he was sick again, what the hell did they think they could do about it?

“I’m worried as well. I just want him to be happy....”

Neil stalked out of the hallway until he was closing the circle between Matt, Dan, and Renee.

“Yea? Renee? Are you happy?” 

“Neil I.....”

“What about Allison? Is she happy?” Neil said, fury simmering low in his gut. 

“Allison?” asked Dan, nose scrunching. “Your roommate Allison?”

“Do you really think she’s going to be happy being called your roommate for the rest of her life?” he seethed. 

It only took a moment to realize what he’d done. He hadn’t meant to, not really. He was just so angry and wanted someone to feel as exposed as he did. But that didn’t mean he didn’t regret it immediately after the words dribbled from his mouth like bile. Matt and Dan looked at Renee, eyes saucer wide. To her credit she didn’t try to deny it, only looked sadly between the three of them. When her gaze landed on him  again he couldn’t take it. Couldn’t look at the disappointment there, even though he deserved every ounce of it. 

Snagging his bag, he left the Fox Den. 

❄️❄️❄️

Neil never used to drink but in the past month’s began to find the taste of whisky comforting. He’d been camped out at a bar one night when someone sent him a free drink. At  first he pushed it away, but then decided he might as well take what he could get. It warmed his bones and the heavy relaxation that followed wasn’t bad either. Still, he didn’t make a habit of it. Not like he could afford to anyways. 

But tonight, he needed a reprieve. His needed his mind to stop replaying every terrible decision he’d made in his life, one after the other, falling like a stack of dominoes. So, he drank. And drank. Until he didn’t care that he’d spent $30 on cheap booze or had his arm laying across the sticky bar top with his head cradled in his elbow. 

The next time he reached for his drink it slid just a little out of reach. Neil peeled himself upright to blink at figure who had appeared next to him. 

“Andrew....?”

“Come on, we’re going.”

Andrew picked up his bag and dropped it  unceremoniously over his shoulder, causing him to sag a little under the weight. 

The walk was  short but Neil could still feel his feet dragging beneath him. He was just so....so tired. Eventually they passed through the same courtyard from before, though Neil barely recognized it in his haze. He didn’t realize he was inside somewhere until a rush of warm air surrounded him and the overhead lights flicked on. 

Andrew shucked his coat, tossing it over the back of the couch and then kicked his shoes off until they thumped against the wall. He took Neil’s bag and set it against the back of the couch. Watching through the fog was unusual and he stood there for several minutes, staring at the new surroundings but taking nothing in. It wasn’t until Andrew nudged his hand with a glass of water that he managed to move. He kicked off his own shoes and jacket, moving around to the front of the couch. Rather than sitting on the pristine gray cushions, he sat on the floor to lean against it. In front of him, Andrew fiddled with something on the wall until flames licked behind the glass of the gas fireplace. The blond moved to shut off the overhead lights, clicking on a table lamp instead. The room was cast in a dim, orange glow. 

For minutes, or maybe hours, Neil stared into the fire. Watched the flames dance and heat the room until the bone-deep cold finally subsided. He gave a start when Andrew nudged his foot with his own and looked up. His eyes were gold in the low light and he had a small wrinkle between his brow, like he was trying to work something out. 

“I had a heart transplant...” Neil blurted, trying to hold Andrew’s gaze. It was awkward with the height difference. “Last year. I....I haven’t felt like a whole person since. Or maybe even before then....”

He shook his head, hands going to pull on messy, auburn hair. “I don’t know...I don’t know what I’m doing. I don’t know why I'm still here. I feel ....sometimes I feel like I shouldn’t be. Like there wasn’t any point to saving my life...you know?”

Andrew let him rant without saying a word, waiting until he stopped talking to push the coffee table back and kneel in front of him. The movement of his hand was almost in slow motion, giving Neil time to object or move away if he wanted. But he didn’t, and he let Andrew press two fingers to his thin shirt. He traced the line of the scar on his sternum like he knew exactly where  it was. 

“You do not have to be whole to deserve life, Neil. And you don’t have to know what you’re doing. All you have to do, is try.”

His fingers lingered there, pressing lightly, before trailing back up to hook in the collar of Neil’s shirt. He tugged once before letting go and moved to sit beside them. Their shoulders pressed  together and Andrew didn’t pull away when Neil leaned a little of his weight against him. Didn’t pull away when Neil dropped his head to Andrew’s shoulder, nor when Neil’s fingers traced the back of his hand. Andrew only took it in his own, squeezed, and dropped his own head against Neil’s temple. 

They talked for hours from the same position and the feel of Andrew’s jaw moving slowly against the top of Neil’s head grounded him. They talked about Andrew’s family and how he’d grown up in the foster system. Neil talked about his unfortunate childhood, getting sick and his fears of being a burden to everyone. Andrew have gave Neil his last name and Neil gave Andrew 'Abram,' his middle name that his mother used to call him. 

At some point he drifted off because when he woke, he was alone. The fire was  out and he was laying on the couch with a blanket thrown over him. But his head was clearer than it had been in a long time.

❄️❄️❄️

When he went in for his shift that day, Neil put in as much effort as he could. He tried to be as pleasant as possible to the customers. And he even managed to convince Abby, the woman who kept coming into the store, to ask  Wymack out on a date since he clearly wasn’t planning to do it himself. 

Later that evening he paced for a solid ten minutes before working up the courage to knock on Renee’s door, shifting the bottle of Renee’s favorite cider in his arms. Allison answered, a scowl on her perfectly red lips. Three minutes into her verbal assault Renee appeared, ushering her away from the door. She seemed upset, which was understandable, but she did let Neil get through his long-winded apology and accepted it along with the cider, inviting him inside. He declined, not wanting to further antagonize Allison. Besides, he wasn’t done for the day. 

His next stop was the shelter, where he told Bee he’d like to start volunteering more regularly. Her first order of business was to rope him in to working their Christmas fundraiser which he found himself readily agreeing to. 

Two days before Christmas he left a new coffee maker on Dan and Matt’s step, replacing the one he’d broken earlier in the year. It wasn’t as nice as the one they had before, but he hoped the gesture would be a good start. 

And when he showed up to work Christmas eve morning, it was with a renewed sense of purpose and several small gifts to place under the staff Christmas tree, next to the ones with his name on them, from his friends. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bring the tissues next time.


	3. You Gave Me Your Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Neil has finally scrounged up some resolve to get himself together, just in time to find out the one thing that was ground him the most, isn't real. Or maybe it is.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A shorter chapter. Because it hurts and that's all I could manage to write. 
> 
> The #AFTGWinterJam prompt for this one was gift giving/receiving.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: T (mention of scars, vague description of someone dying(car accident), panic attack)

Christmas eve

When Neil’s shift on Christmas eve ended, he excused himself to the back room to make a phone call. He’d been looking for apartments, circling ads in the paper when something caught his eye, but he knew he couldn’t afford one without a down payment. Especially since he barely had any credit due to not being able to work until recently. 

After getting through holiday wishes and pleasantries, Stuart seemed to catch on that something wasn’t right and asked Neil how he was doing. He finally came clean, explaining that he was struggling and needed help. Stuart reprimanded him for lying but offered to send him whatever he needed without even being asked. Less than five minutes after hanging up a hefty deposit landed in his bank account and he had to resist the urge to call his uncle back and tell him it was too much.  _ It’s okay...he wouldn’t have sent it if he didn’t want to. You’ll be more of a burden if you keep lying. _

Once his panic subsided, Neil changed out of his tacky elf costume and headed out. Matt and Dan had invited him to stay the night with them and he agreed with a little reluctance. He didn’t want to spend the night alone but also didn’t want to impose on their holiday plans. He figured he’d wander around for a while and wait until later in the evening to show up. They probably weren’t home yet anyways. 

The café he ducked into was warm and the windows fogged, obscuring the street from view. He ordered a burger and a glass of water, sipping it slowly before switching to coffee. When he was finished and pulled his wallet from his back pocket, something else slipped out. He reached down and picked up the small, wrapped rectangle. It was tiny really, much too tiny to have wrapped but he gave it a try anyways. Getting stuck at the gift-wrap station of the store gave him the skills to wrap pretty much anything, even a single zippo lighter. 

He bought the thing on a whim the day before from a convenience store on the corner. It wasn’t really anything special – dark titanium with an etched filigree design that circled the figure of a rabbit. But it reminded him of the first time he met Andrew, looking up at the sign with the hare. Neil shoved the thing back in his pocket and paid his bill. Maybe he could swing by and give him the gift since he knew where Andrew lived now. He probably had plans for Christmas since he did mention having family around, but maybe he would be home. 

The snow finally stopped as he walked towards the townhouses. Ironically, the apartment that Neil planned to put in an application for was in the complex adjacent to Andrew’s place. It would be nice, living so close to someone he knew. Hopefully Andrew wouldn’t think he was some weird stalker. But considering Andrew kept showing up unannounced in all sorts of strange place, Neil didn’t think he would mind.   
  
He cut through the familiar courtyard and the little alley between the apartments and the row of townhouses, following the street to the end unit. The lights were on, so maybe he was home after all. As he climbed the steps he shifted his duffle over his back and let his brow furrow at the sign attached to the railing. A for-sale sign. It was understandable he wouldn’t have noticed it when they arrived before – he had been a complete mess that night. But he had taken note of the location when he left, which was why he remembered how to get there. He hadn’t seen Andrew in the last few days...had he decided to sell for some reason?

Neil lifted his hand to knock but noticed the door was open, only the glass storm door pulled shut.  So, he opened it, sticking his head inside. 

“Hello?” he called from the door. “Andrew?”

“Come in!” returned a voice, that was  _ definitely _ not Andrews. 

Maybe he had company? Shit. Why did he come on Christmas eve, of course he had company. 

But it was too late to turn back so he let himself inside, standing on the door mat. Before he could call out again a man poked his head around the corner. He was tall, lanky and had a head of wavy brown hair that matched the goatee on his overly friendly features. 

“Hi! Are you Mr. Steinbo?”

“Uh...no...?”

“Ah...well,  never mind . Come in, come in! You just caught me before I  close up . But feel free to take your time looking around. As you can see not only is this house in a prime location, but all the amenities are updated and yes, these are real hardwood floors.”

The crease in Neil’s brow dug deeper. He wandered into the living room area, glancing down at the familiar couch but clamped his hands around the strap of his duffle. 

“Um....is Andrew here?” 

“It’s just me right now...was someone else supposed to be meeting you? I can stay for another half hour but I’m afraid if they’re going to be too  late, you’ll have to return Saturday for the next open house.”

Finally, it made sense, or so he thought. “OH! Right...yea. The house is for sale. I was actually looking for the  owner but I guess he’s not here so...”

It was the realtors turn to look confused and he scrutinized Neil with a tilt of his head. 

“This isn’t for sale by owner I’m afraid, it’s a bank owned property. The owner passed away a year ago and it’s been in limbo ever since. Which is why...” he said, gesturing at the living room, “It’s got such a great price tag on it. We’re trying to move it as quickly as possible.”

“No one lives here?” Neil parroted. “But we stayed...”

“...Stayed?” asked the man. 

_ Fuck. _ Had Andrew been squatting here? That would explain the lack of any personality to the home. It was obviously staged for sale. Why didn’t Andrew tell him? It’s not like he was in any position to judge. 

Before the realtor could ask any more questions, or Neil’s mind could run wild with the possibilities, he noticed a cracked phone lying dormant on the bar counter that served as a barrier between the living room and kitchen. His eyes flicked to the realtor, who had a phone already clamped in his left hand, and back to the broken device . 

“Is that yours?” he asked, pointing at the phone. 

“Oh....no,” said the realtor, reaching down to pick it up. He gave it a little shake in his hand. “Someone must have left it here. It was in one of the cabinets.”

_ “I don’t have a phone.” _

_ “Really? Who doesn’t have a phone?” _

_ “I have one, I just don’t carry it with me. It’s in a cabinet at home.” _

Neil took a few more steps into the living space and reached out. “Can I see that?”

The realtor gave a disinterested shrug and handed it over. His hand dipped under the weight of it as it was placed in his palm. It felt so much heavier than it should. 

“Did you ..... did you say the owner died?” He wasn’t sure why he asked but his stomach automatically clenched, waiting for the answer. 

“Yes...about a year ago. Tragic really. According to the paperwork he was only in his twenties. I heard it was some sort of car accident. It didn’t happen here, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

The weight of the phone seemed to be growing by the second. “...What was his name?” 

“Um...I’m not totally sure but I think it was something like Maynard...Minnard...” the realtor guessed.

“....Minyard?” whispered Neil.

“That sounds right. Did you know him or something?”

When he flipped the phone in his palm and ran a thumb over the screen, the living room faded from view. The assault of memories nearly knocked him off his feet. Memories that weren’t entirely his.

_ Walking down the snow-covered sidewalks alone, when he thought someone was at his side.  _

_ Staring into the window of an electronics store, only his own reflection staring back.  _

_ One set of  _ _ Exy _ _ pads and a single racquet laying on an empty court.  _

_ A barkeep moving his drink out of reach.  _

_ A taller man with skin too dark to be a tan and a wide smile, swiping a hand through dark hair as he turned into the street without looking. Andrew....jumping to pull him out of the way of a speeding sedan but getting clipped by the side mirror. Andrew’s body knocked violently away and his head hitting the street with a sickening crack.  _

_ The sound of sirens, the red swirling lights of an ambulance. Staring up into the night sky as blood obscured his vision, but he could still feel the snow melting on his face.  _

_ Blinking, and seeing the line of his mother’s worried mouth and frantic voice. Feeling her squeeze his hand as his whole body felt like it was too heavy to move. Everything ached. He couldn’t breathe. His heart had finally given up.  _

Neil staggered backwards into the  wall, the phone still clenched in his hand. The other he brought up to his chest, fingers twisting around the fabric of his hood just over the vertical scar running along his chest.  _ No. There’s no way.... _

He ran. 

Around the block, somehow not crashing into anyone or onto the frozen concrete. It wasn’t until he had run around the entire square and the courtyard sat still and quiet to his right that he cut through it again. He collapsed onto the bench. 

Andrew can’t be .... _ he’s _ _ real _ . Neil could see him, touch him. They’d seen each other dozens of times in the last few weeks. He...he....

A warm hand around his neck slowed his panic and forced air back into his lungs and he let his duffle drop to the ground. His gaze landed on a pair of boot covered feet slotted between his own. Neil closed his eyes and brought his hand up, sliding it along the back of smooth skin until it covered  Andrews . 

“How can I feel you?” he asked, breath shuddering with too much effort. He felt like his chest would burst at any moment. 

“Because I am a part of you,” said Andrew quietly, evenly. 

His hand gave Neil’s neck a little squeeze before letting go so he could move to sit down. The warmth of their legs where they were pressed together felt more real than anything else in his life. 

Neil reached out slowly, waited for Andrew’s nod of consent, and took his hand. He pulled their connected digits on top of his own thigh, using his other hand to completely encase Andrew’s. He wasn’t sure how long they sat there in silence, breath turning to fog as they exhaled into the quiet night. When he finally looked  up, he could see mismatched lights blinking on apartment balconies.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” asked Neil, when he felt like he could speak again. 

“Would you have believed me?” asked Andrew, a little smirk on his lips despite how fragile the moment. 

“No...” Neil admitted. “I probably would have thought I was going insane. Or dying. Maybe I am.”

Andrew shifted on the bench. He pulled his hand free and placed it on Neil’s chest, offering the other for Neil to hold. 

Neil could feel his own heart beating, almost echoing against Andrews skin even through his layers of clothing. He lifted his eyes from their connected fingers, to the hand on his chest before finally meeting Andrew’s gaze. It was softer now. Softer than he’d ever seen it before. He looked apologetic somehow. 

“You are not dying. Not anymore,” answered Andrew.

Something hot and wet slid down Neil’s cheek and he didn’t bother wiping it away, letting the tears slide silently down until they disappeared on Andrew’s sleeve. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d cried. A decade, probably.

“This isn’t fair,” he said between gritted teach. 

“Life rarely is.”

Another long moment passed before Andrew pressed against his chest a little tighter. He pinned Neil with a challenging look. “Take care of it.”

Choking out a laugh that was more of a sob, Neil tried to smile through the shredded feeling in his chest. “No promises.”

Andrew smiled, and it was probably the most beautiful thing Neil had ever seen. 

“Fair enough,” said Andrew, giving his chest one last press before sliding his hand to cup around Neil’s jaw. “I think it was always going to belong to you. One way or another.”

The kiss was heart-breakingly  slow and it felt like goodbye. Chapped lips met warm, smooth tongues and it turned desperate within seconds. Neil reached up to bury his fingers in blond hair, pulling just enough to feel it. Enough to pull Andrew closer. Maybe if they stayed like this then it could be real. It could be forever. 

Andrew pressed his thumbs just under Neil’s ears and Neil dropped down to clamp around Andrew’s wrist. The kiss lasted minutes, or maybe lifetimes. But Neil was out of breath by the time Andrew pulled away. And by the time Neil opened his eyes, by the time he could  breathe again, Andrew was gone. 

Neil leaned back against the bench for another half hour. He felt drained, like his life force was running on empty. Somehow, he still managed to pull the little lighter from his pocket. And with the last bit of strength he had, dug a small hole under the bench. The frozen earth got lodged under his nails and his fingers ached by the time he dropped the still wrapped present into the excavated earth, covering it with dirt and snow. 

“I’ll take care of it,” he said, clutching a hand to his chest. His voice was. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SORRY. 
> 
> There is one more chapter so it's not going to end on this depressing note, but Andrew is indeed a ghost/memory (whatever you wanna call it) and the heart Neil received for his transplant was indeed Andrew's.


	4. Family Doesn't End With Blood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe everything will be okay.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> All credit to Nora, I own nothing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope everyone has a great holiday season, thanks for reading!
> 
> The #AFTGWinterJam prompt for this one was 'Found family traditions'.
> 
> ~*~
> 
> CHAPTER RATING: G (mentions of character death)

Christmas day

Neil woke on Christmas morning alone but warm. He’d crashed on Matt and Dan’s couch the night before but they left early that morning to go visit Matt’s mother in upstate New York. He had been invited of course but didn’t think he would have been comfortable spending the day with strangers and no way to escape. Not to mention he’d been nearly catatonic for most of the night, staring at the aging popcorn ceiling with red eyes and a bone deep ache in his chest. The feeling had  subsided but his eyes still felt raw and itchy. By the time he showered and drank almost en entire pot of black coffee he felt more human, at least. 

He knew it was futile, but he hoped when he woke up the last few weeks would have been a dream. Some cruel  nightmare . After all – who found someone that was so perfectly imperfect, someone who just fit like a long lost puzzle piece, only to find out they weren’t even alive? Maybe he would wake up, go to Andrew’s house or run into him at the market and he’d be there – alive and well. Even though he knew it would end badly he did a quick google search on Matt’s laptop. It didn’t take long to find the obituary and Neil expected it to hit him like a ton of bricks, but instead he just felt numb. He wandered around the rest of the morning in a daze until mid-afternoon when he finally left, the swirl of freshly fallen snow in the wind sending shivers down his spine. 

As he walked the icy streets his head cleared. He would probably keep thinking about Andrew. He was sure that could be helped. But he’d also made a promise and he didn’t intend to break it. 

Unsurprisingly, he found himself at the courtyard. It was coated in a blanket of white, only bits and pieces of greenery peeking out from under the night’s snowfall. In the corner, closer to the complex, a few kids were playing outside, likely with new toys from ‘Santa.’ 

Neil slowly approached the bench – their bench. He found himself brushing snow from the wood with his gloved hands, clearing it until each slat was visible. For the first time he noticed a small plaque on the back of the bench, gold and set with four screws in the center of the top panel. Black lettering was inlaid with the inscription:

Andrew Minyard 

1984 – 2006

The cold swirled around his bare fingers as he plucked off a glove, running them along the carving. He smiled faintly, mouth moving as he read the inscription over and over. At the end of his quiet  muttering, he  whispered _ ‘I wish.... _ ’ 

But the thought never finished. Wishes were pointless. Life wasn’t fair. All he could do was make the best with what he still had. He owed that to Andrew. He owed that to himself. 

Lost in his head, Neil didn’t notice anyone approaching until the crunch of their boots were just a few feet away. He wiped hastily at his cheek, though he’d managed to keep his tears in check this time, and shoved his glove back on. 

There were three of them, all standing on the other side of the bench, all watching him carefully. It only took a single glance to recognize them. One of them was taller, square jawed with jade green eyes. Neil knew him, he just couldn’t place from where at the moment. The second tallest was a man with skin too dark to be a tan, dark curly hair and bright brown eyes. He recognized this man as the one Andrew pushed out of the way of the car, saving his life. The last man was  unmistakable and Neil’s breath caught for just a moment. He knew Andrew mentioned a brother, Aaron, but didn’t know he was an identical twin. Anyone else might have mistaken them, but Neil could spot the difference. It was in the eyes, somehow. 

Neil flicked his own down at the bundle of yellow flowers in Aaron’s hands. He was still staring when the blond called out “Who the fuck are you?”

It took a great deal of effort not to laugh. For everything Andrew had told him about his brother they never seemed similar, but the attitude sure was. 

“You’re Andrew’s brother...” he said stupidly, flattening his expression. 

“You knew Andrew?” said the man, the tense set of his shoulders relaxing a fraction. 

“I...um...yes,” he stuttered. How the fuck was he supposed to explain that he hadn’t met Andrew until  _ after  _ he  died? Somehow that didn’t seem like it would go over well. 

“You look familiar,” said the tallest man, eyes narrowing in contemplation. “Have we met before?”

Something about his voice jogged Neil’s memory. “You’re  Wymack’s son.”

The man, Kevin, he remembered, turned a look on him that was somehow both smug and condescending at the same time. “Oh...right. The elf.” 

Neil bristled under the scrutiny and opened his mouth to make a snide comment. 

“I didn’t recognize you without your....tights,” Kevin added before he could say anything. 

It’s fair, really. Neil had been generally hostile and rude to Kevin on the few occasions Kevin had visited the store. There was just something about him, the air of superiority, that rubbed Neil the wrong way. He wondered what he was doing with Andrew’s brother. He rolled his eyes just as the other man spoke up. 

“So...um, how did you know Andrew?” he asked, and then gestured to himself and the others. “I’m Nicky, by the way. And this is Aaron and Kevin. I was his cousin. Aaron was...well, you know. Kevin was his best friend from high school. They played  Exy together.”

Kevin dropped his arms but grumbled “...should have played in college too...”

Neil had a vague recollection of Kevin going off to play for a college team in NYC and recalled what Andrew told him about wanting to stay in Boston to be near his family. 

Nicky cleared his throat. “...You said you knew Andrew?”

“Yea...” said Neil, eyes jumping between the three of them. “Um...the shelter.”

“The shelter?” Nicky repeated. 

“Yea...where we uh..volunteered.”

It was true, after a fashion. 

“Andrew volunteered at a shelter?” asked Nicky, sounding surprised. He looked to Aaron who only shrugged. 

“He didn’t tell you?” asked Neil. 

The three men exchanged looks again but said nothing. Pulling out his phone, Neil checked the time. It was nearly five. He promised to be at the shelter by then, to help with their Christmas fundraiser. After talking to Renee, he even convinced the others to stop by and help. 

He shifted behind the bench. “Will you ....I mean, if you’re not busy, could you follow me? We’re having a sort of party...holiday...thing. I’m sure Andrew would have liked you to come.”

❄️❄️❄️

Andrew’s family had seemed wary and disinterested, but their curiosity must have won because they followed Neil to the church. Renee and the others (minus Matt and Dan who were still on their way back from New York) were already there when he arrived, decked out in reds and greens. Renee and Allison gave him a little wave as he passed the food tables. Seth was helping someone set up a speaker next to a small stage. Even  Wymack had come. He was chatting with a few of the patrons in the corner with Abby on his arm, looking relaxed. He nodded in Neil’s direction as he passed, though looked a little confused when he saw Kevin. The latter veered off to say hello to his  father but Aaron and Nicky followed him towards the office to discard their coats. 

A few of the other volunteers and patrons did double takes as they passed. Neil knew they were looking at Aaron. When Bee approached, however, she didn’t seem surprised at all and greeted them warmly, as though they’d known each other their entire lives. 

The evening went well, everyone in good spirits. They ate, drank egg nog and hot apple cider, played music and danced. A few brave souls even got up to karaoke to popular Christmas songs. 

Afterwards, the staff of the Fox Den, with a few strays in tow, headed back to the shop.  Wymack broke out the good liquor and most of them were sloshed by 10pm. Dan, however, turned away her drink, announcing that she was four months pregnant. Which in turn led to another round of congratulatory drinks as they all toasted her soda-filled solo cup. 

Somehow Neil found himself in a lengthy debate about  Exy with Kevin. Apparently, they both shared similarly fanatical views about the sport. Kevin had played pro for a year after  college but a hand injury side-lined him for the time being. He had hopes of returning to the court, but for now he had taken on the job of an assistant coach while he worked through physical therapy. 

At some point Renee and Allison joined them. 

“Renee...” Neil said, “When we play again after new years, do you think you can teach me goal? It seems like a good place to start...if I want to try playing again.” 

Neil wasn’t sure when he’d figured out the answer to Andrew’s ‘lesson,’ and he wasn’t surprised by the shock on his friends faces when he asked. But Renee agreed  readily and Kevin looked at him fondly, rattling off a list of pointers. He wasn’t so bad, when he was drunk. 

As midnight approached, Aaron corralled Nicky, who had been going around the store touching and cooing at everything in sight. “Oh my god it’s a little buff Santa, Erik would love this!”

Erik was Nicky’s  fiancé , which by now everyone knew and had seen multiple pictures of the man when Nicky pressed his phone to their hands, gushing over the love of his life. Erik was in Germany for the holidays, visiting his family and it seemed Nicky missed him...just a little. 

The tinkling of a fork against a proper champagne glass got everyone’s attention. Dan promptly passed the glass to Matt and took her solo cup back, holding it up again. 

“This year has had  it’s challenges," she said after clearing her throat. "A lot of things have changed. But we have each other and that’s all that matters. We’re here, now. And I’m so glad to know all of you. To share this season with you. And I looked forward to the future and everything it has to offer. And I know that next year we will all be here again, standing in this room, celebrating together. No matter where life takes us we will always find our way back together. To friends!”

“To family!” added Matt, kissing Dan on top of the head before thrusting his glass up. 

Neil held up his own flute but blue eyes caught on something on the loft upstairs. He lowered his glass, leaning to the side so the large pine in the middle of the room couldn’t obscure his view. 

Leaning on the railing, watching over them all, was Andrew. There was a small, satisfied smile on his  face and he lifted one finger to point out ahead of him. Neil’s eyes scanned to where he was pointing and caught on a decoration hanging from the ceiling. A little sleigh being pulled by eight rabbits, with a fox wearing a  Santa hat at the helm. He laughed aloud, luckily not drawing anyone’s attention since they were all drinking and had broken into a terribly absurd version of ‘The Twelve Days of  Christmas ’. 

When he turned his attention back to Andrew, the blond gave him a two fingered salute. Neil raised his glass one last time and grinned, tipping back the bubbly contents and letting it warm him from the inside. When he looked back, Andrew was gone, but it didn’t feel like he was. Neil didn’t think it ever would. 

As they left the shop, Neil found himself sandwiched between Matt and Dan. They each had an arm looped through one of his and the few passersby had to give them a wide berth since they refused to break apart. Halfway to their apartment Matt blurted out an invitation – he wanted Neil to live with them. 

Naturally, he opened his mouth to object, but Matt’s arm snaked around his head and covered his mouth. 

“Nope. Not taking no for an answer,” he said. 

“We know you’ve been looking at apartments,” said Dan, giving his arm a little squeeze. “But we’re moving into a house in a few months since we’ll need room for the baby. We’d really love if you stayed with us for a while. It will be cheaper too, just renting a room.”

Taking a deep breath, Neil reached up to pry Matt’s hand from his face. His first instinct was to object, but he was trying to be kinder to himself. They wouldn’t have asked if they didn’t want it. So, instead he smiled and glared a little, looking between the two of him. 

“You just want a live-in babysitter, don’t you?” he joked. 

Dan laughed aloud, “Yep, you caught us. I can’t wait for our kids first word to be ‘Exy.’”

Neil rolled his eyes. “Excuse you...it could just as easily be ‘fuck,’ which I say far more often.”

Snow started to fall  again and Neil wrinkled his nose as the cold flakes dissolved on warm skin. Just before they reached the building, Matt reached up to ruffle his damp hair. 

“You’re going to make such a good uncle,” he said. 

Uncle. Family. _A perfect, beating heart._

Maybe he would be okay after all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cue me crying because I hurt my own feelings.


End file.
